It's a simple answer, I don't. More than 90% of women in America are unhappy with the way they look, and I am a part of that 90%. My whole life I have struggled with the way I look and have always seen myself as not good enough. I have tried to start this post about 6 times now and I can't get past the first sentence without crying, so please bare with me through this as it's really difficult for me to talk about.
Before I got pregnant with Jaiden I was extremely skinny. I was 105 lbs, had nice curves, perky boobs, flat stomach, and no cellulite or stretch marks. I had the body that most women dreamed of having and even though I knew that, I still was not happy. I could look in a mirror and point out a million things I didn't like about my body. Now with that being said, I also knew I was good looking and I was very full of myself. Whenever someone would compliment me on my body or the way I looked, a lot of the time I would reply with "I know, thanks". From being bullied so often I grew a very thick skin and even though deep down I was unhappy about my body, I would act like I knew I was the hottest thing that ever walked the earth. When I gave birth to Jaiden I weighed 186 lbs, yes I gained 80 lbs with him. It has been almost 3 years since then and I have only been able to lose 40 out of the 80 I gained. I have tried so many times to workout and eat healthier but I get so discouraged when I don't see the results that I want, so I stop. Now when I look into a mirror I see a fat stomach, stretch marks, saggy boobs, fat thighs full of cellulite, love handles, and a fat ass. My body is not the same one that I had years ago, and some days I can't even look into a mirror because I cannot stand the way I look. To go from being so skinny and having an amazing body, to being over weight and not comfortable in your own skin is an extreme change. Not being able to look into a mirror without wanting to cry because I am so uncomfortable with who I am is an awful feeling, one that is worse than any bullying I have ever experienced. If I don't like who I am and don't find myself attractive, how is my husband supposed to? How is he supposed to love me when I cant even love myself? Most days when I get out of the shower and look in the mirror, I have to look away because I'm afraid I'll cry. For the past year I have tried to build my self confidence and be okay with who I am, but it's honestly one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. I will have days where I feel like I am on top of the world and my self confidence is really high, but then I will have other days where I will sit in pjs all day because I'm afraid to put on clothes. I know I am not largest girl in the world and a lot of you will probably read this and think I am pathetic, and I'm not trying to sit here and have a pity party for myself but the way a lot of us see ourselves is a real problem. To look at the statistics and see that 90% of women are unhappy with themselves is so sad, and to know that a lot of them probably have an eating disorder or are self harming is even sadder. I hope that one day I will be able to tell other woman that are struggling with their body image that it gets better. I have came a long way as far as how I see myself, but I still have a long journey ahead of me until I am confident in myself. It's a work in progress, and a daily struggle but I hope that someday I
will be able to look into a mirror and say "I am beautiful,
flaws and all".
To all of you that are struggling with the same issue, YOU are BEAUTIFUL! Whether you are a size 0 or a size 40, you are amazing and to someone out there you are the sexiest person ever! If you are unhappy with the way you look and want to be more confident you don't need to starve yourself, make yourself puke after every meal, or cause yourself physical pain, all you need to do is start believing in yourself. Whoever you are reading this and if you are having a hard time, I believe in you and think you are gorgeous and I know that with time, you can believe it too! I know this post was a bit different than my last couple but nonetheless I hope you enjoyed it and got to know me a bit more. If you enjoyed it please leave a comment with your feedback and what you would like to see me talk about next! And please know that I did not write this to get attention, I wrote it because it is the truth and I want to help others that are in the same situation know that they are not alone. I hope you all have an amazing day and please remember, you are beautiful no matter what anyone says.
Quote of the day; There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being
unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To
me, that is the true essence of beauty. -Steve Maraboli
I dont "deal" with it. I find you even more attractive now, than i ever have, you are beautiful, flaws and all. I promise. But you could be 800 pounds and have half an arm and id still find you the sexiest. And you shouldnt have to look away or deal with it. I support every thing you do. And if you want to change, change. Ill be behind you 110%. I always have been, i pove you momma bear. Keep up the posts, your fan base wants more.
ReplyDeleteI love you. :)
DeleteThank you honey <3 I love you too sugar bear.
DeleteI can relate to this! Its so true and I feel the same way. I hate my body and say I'm fat all the time and no one understands! I've tried working out dieting starving puking and nothing is ever good enough. People think I say it all for attention but nonone truly knows how it feels to hate your body. I'm so glad you do!
ReplyDeletePlease do not make yourself starve or puke! You are so much better than that! I am here for you if you would like to talk more about your struggles, you are not alone!
DeleteThis was a great post, it talked about a lot of the issues almost every girl reading this faces. You're not fat, or even chubby Maddi. But I know what its like for someone else to tell you that you're pretty, when you don't feel pretty yourself. It's a hard road- and it's tough to "just" work out and go to the gym when you have a full sched. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Deleteyou are beautiful <3 thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you. You are beautiful as well!
DeleteMaddi,
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow young mom, I know how you feel. I also have the "mommy pouch" and the not-so-perky boobs, but you know what? Who do I have to impress? If their looking at my not-so-perky boobs, then obviously I'm trying to impress the wrong type of people, that's how I see it. I see you on facebook, and every time I see I post, I want to ask how you're doing and get some advise from you because I do think that you are one tough cookie, and I want to be more like you. Wish I was as strong as you! Keep strong.
-Fellow mommy.
I'm not trying to impress anyone with my body but I would like to be able to think that I am attractive. My husband likes my boobs and my body so I guess that's all that really matters haha. But thank you! Don't be afraid to talk to me, I'm always open to giving advice and even listening if you just want to talk to someone who can relate! If you don't want me knowing who you are I have a 'Contact Me' section on the left side by my picture, you don't have to put your name just your email and your message and it will get sent to me and we can talk that way :)
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