Working on my body image; Epsiode 1!

Hey guys! So I got a lot of feed back on my "How I deal with my body image" post so I thought I would make it a series! It's not so much for you guys rather than it is for me. I want to really try and motivate myself to start eating healthier and exercising and I thought that I would bring you guys along the journey with me!

The picture on the left is a picture that I took last year around this time.. The picture on the right is a picture I took today... 
In the last post that I put up about my body image a lot of you said you don't understand why I am so uncomfortable with my body and that I wasn't even chubby. This picture shows how my body has transformed in just the last year alone and if you can believe it I was even SKINNIER than the left picture before I go pregnant. It's a major change for me. My thighs are significantly larger, as well as my butt and stomach. It's honestly really hard to look at these pictures side by side, I knew I have gained weight but I honestly didn't realize how much larger I have actually gotten. The past week or so I have actually been feeling pretty good about how I look but after comparing these pictures I'm back to where I started.. excuse me while I go eat my feelings in ice cream. Hah just kidding! That wouldn't solve anything.

A bit of random information for you; 

Recently I've been baby sitting children in my home to earn some extra money and give me something to do. I've been saving the money and the other day I decided to use that money to go buy me some new clothes. I don't remember the last time I bought anything for myself. Whenever we have extra cash we always spend it on Jaiden so it was nice to get something for myself for a change :)

Step 1 to working on my body image; Revamp my closet

As I said in the paragraph before this, I went out and got myself new clothes! Since I've been gaining a lot of weight most of my pants no longer fit me. I'd try and get them on but I wouldn't be able to get them over my butt so I'd always just throw on some cute sweats or yoga pants. As you can imagine, wearing sweats all day every day really takes a toll on your self esteem after a while and it got to the point where I just stayed in my pjs all day because I was afraid to get dressed. I only had one pair of jeans that actually fit me, and even then I had to do a hop and a  jump and wiggle my butt to get into them, so I decided if I want to start being more confident I need to get some clothes that actually fit me. I got 2 pairs of pants and a few shirts and I've been wearing them the past few days and it has really helped me see myself better. Today Kitt and I took Jaiden to the park and I put on my new jeans and a cute shirt and for the first time in what seems like forever, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself  "I am so beautiful today" and for me to say that is HUGE! When I walked out of the bathroom and Kitt saw me in my new clothes his reaction was " damn you look good!", which boosted my self confidence even more.

Step 2 to working on my body image; Workout gear

Now I haven't done this but it is the next step that I am going to take! I don't own any sneakers or sports bras or anything so next pay day I am going to go out and get some. The apartment that I live in has a really nice gym so once I get some workout clothes and a pair of shoes I plan to start working out. I'm not really sure how often I should workout but I'm thinking every other day? I'm actually really excited to start working out again. A few months ago I was working out regularly but I didn't have sneakers so I was doing it barefoot but after a month of two I started having problems with my feet so I had to stop. Do you guys have any ideas on how often I should workout? If any of you workout now, how often do you workout and what workouts do you enjoy doing? I want to lose some weight and then tone the rest of my body, especially my thighs and butt. So that's what my next step is to work on my body image and get healthier!

Step 3 to working on my body image; Setting goals

When starting something new it's always good to set a goal to keep you motivated and when you accomplish that goal it's a really great feeling. So I've come up with 3 goals..

1. Eating Healthier: I don't eat the worst but I also don't eat the best. I don't really care for fruits or vegetables because I'm an extremely picky eater and the texture really bothers me so I want to try and find ways to eat fruits and veggies without having to deal with the texture. Juicing has become really popular so I might try and make some juices or smoothies so that I'm getting the vitamins and nutrients that I need. 
2. Keeping positive: A huge part of becoming comfortable in your own skin is staying positive. I am generally a really positive person but when it comes to myself I am a "debby downer" and really look down on myself. I have seen a few ideas online that I am going to do to help remind myself daily to stay positive and that I am beautiful. I am thinking about putting sticky notes on my bathroom mirror and places around the house so that I am constantly being reminded to be positive and the good things about myself. 
3. Not caring about the number: I have tried to lose weight many times before but I always got caught up on the number on the scale and not what my body actually looked like. I've come to learn that it's not all about the number rather than how my body looks and how I feel in my own skin. I don't want to focus on getting down to a certain weight, I want to focus on being comfortable in my own skin and enjoying what I look like. Whether it's 10 lbs or 40 lbs that I have to lose, it doesn't matter to me as long as I am comfortable in my own skin. I definitely don't want to be a size 0 I just want to look healthy and feel healthy. 

 I know this post is a lot different than my last ones but I really want to keep a 'journal' of my progress for becoming healthy and confident in myself. I don't know how many of you will like this series, but if you like the idea please let me know! I hope that I can inspire you to work on yourself and your health if you are like me and are not happy with the way you look.  I plan to do picture updates bi-weekly to show how my body is changing and the progress I'm making with eating healthier. Let me know in the comment section if you have any tips for eating healthy and working out and what has worked for you! I hope you enjoy this little series and let me know if there is anything else that you would like me to talk about in these posts. If you are not comfortable with yourself and want to change the way you look and feel, you should embark on this journey with me and we can help keep each other motivated! Sorry if this is not written the best and if I'm not my normal 'cheery' self, but it's 2 am and I am exhausted. I am going to go snuggle up with Jaiden and go to sleep now, but I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did please leave me your feedback in the comments and let me know any tips that you have for being healthy and working out!
Quote of the day; Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever.

How do I deal with my body image issues?

It's a simple answer, I don't. More than 90% of women in America are unhappy with the way they look, and I am a part of that 90%. My whole life I have struggled with the way I look and have always seen  myself as not good enough. I have tried to start this post about 6 times now and I can't get past the first sentence without crying, so please bare with me through this as it's really difficult for me to talk about.
Before I got pregnant with Jaiden I was extremely skinny. I was 105 lbs, had nice curves, perky boobs, flat stomach, and no cellulite or stretch marks. I had the body that most women dreamed of having and even though I knew that, I still was not happy. I could look in a mirror and point out a million things I didn't like about my body. Now with that being said, I also knew I was good looking and I was very full of myself. Whenever someone would compliment me on my body or the way I looked, a lot of the time I would reply with "I know, thanks". From being bullied so often I grew a very thick skin and even though deep down I was unhappy about my body, I would act like I knew I was the hottest thing that ever walked the earth. When I gave birth to Jaiden I weighed 186 lbs, yes I gained 80 lbs with him. It has been almost 3 years since then and I have only been able to lose 40 out of the 80 I gained. I have tried so many times to workout and eat healthier but I get so discouraged when I don't see the results that I want, so I stop. Now when I look into a mirror I see a fat stomach, stretch marks, saggy boobs, fat thighs full of cellulite, love handles, and a fat ass. My body is not the same one that I had years ago, and some days I can't even look into a mirror because I cannot stand the way I look. To go from being so skinny and having an amazing body, to being over weight and not comfortable in your own skin is an extreme change. Not being able to look into a mirror without wanting to cry because I am so uncomfortable with who I am is an awful feeling, one that is worse than any bullying I have ever experienced. If I don't like who I am and don't find myself attractive, how is my husband supposed to? How is he supposed to love me when I cant even love myself? Most days when I get out of the shower and look in the mirror, I have to look away because I'm afraid I'll cry. For the past year I have tried to build my self confidence and be okay with who I am, but it's honestly one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. I will have days where I feel like I am on top of the world and my self confidence is really high, but then I will have other days where I will sit in pjs all day because I'm afraid to put on clothes. I know I am not largest girl in the world and a lot of you will probably read this and think I am pathetic, and I'm not trying to sit here and have a pity party for myself but the way a lot of us see ourselves is a real problem. To look at the statistics and see that 90% of women are unhappy with themselves is so sad, and to know that a lot of them probably have an eating disorder or are self harming is even sadder. I hope that one day I will be able to tell other woman that are struggling with their body image that it gets better. I have came a long way as far as how I see myself, but I still have a long journey ahead of me until I am confident in myself. It's a work in progress, and a daily struggle but I hope that someday I will be able to look into a mirror and say "I am beautiful, flaws and all".
To all of you that are struggling with the same issue, YOU are BEAUTIFUL! Whether you are a size 0 or a size 40, you are amazing and to someone out there you are the sexiest person ever! If you are unhappy with the way you look and want to be more confident you don't need to starve yourself, make yourself puke after every meal, or cause yourself physical pain, all you need to do is start believing in yourself. Whoever you are reading this and if you are having a hard time, I believe in you and think you are gorgeous and I know that with time, you can believe it too! I know this post was a bit different than my last couple but nonetheless I hope you enjoyed it and got to know me a bit more. If you enjoyed it please leave a comment with your feedback and what you would like to see me talk about next! And please know that I did not write this to get attention, I wrote it because it is the truth and I want to help others that are in the same situation know that they are not alone. I hope you all have an amazing day and please remember, you are beautiful no matter what anyone says.
Quote of the day; There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty. -Steve Maraboli